SAIL ON. GO ON.


I've said it. Its here now. And there's no going back. I've dragged my boat off the shore, and start sailing on the calm sea that's full of mere mysteries and uncertainties.

I chose to dwell on on this journey rather than than letting time pass me by until I get to where I wan to be. The whole situation is quite vivid, but not as vivid as I would want to see it. My heart has spoken and it has shattered all the fears I've had for the past times. I feel stronger. I feel invincible and I feel good. I am happy. Finally, I've found more reason to be happy.


A man with a non-juvenile mind and a very innocent heart. That' how I always refer to myself. My heart is fragile. My heart is sensitive. Every person's heart is. Yesterdays were rough. I've agonized worse than I could possibly bear. But today is different. I feel different. I see nothing else but the genuine joy in my heart. I feel liberated and I feel enticed by all the love I feel.

Every sound is a music that serenades my soul, every flower blooms like it's spring time and every sunrise rises to grace new mornings. I finally took this risk.

The journey had begun, the sea seems calm for now, but I know it won't be soon. Nevertheless, I am happy I took sail to get beyond that horizon. I am finally reviving the lost serenity of my innocent heart.

KAIBIGAN


ISANG GABING NATANGGAP KO ANG EMAIL NG KAIBIGAN KO. Hindi ko inaasahang mapagaan noon ang loob ko.

Madalas kaming mag-email ni Deng. Isang kaibigan mula pa nung hi-school.

Sa email ko sa kanya, nakisimpatiya ako sa kanya sa mga nangyayari sa buhay niya. TWIN SOUL talaga kami. Pareho kaming dalawa, may mga sentimiyentng hindi maintindihan kahit ng mga sarili namin.

Sinabi ko kay deng ang isang malaking problemang hinaharap ko--- ang sarili ko.

Sa haba ng email namin sa isa't isa, isang bagay lang ang kinailngan kong marinig mula sa kanya.



" Sana magkausap na tayo in person. Abot dito ung kalungkutan mo at frustration sa kalagayan mo. Hindi ko alam kung paano ka i-comfort. Sana sapat nang malaman mo na nandito lang ako."

I've never needed a savior, I've always needed someone na makakasama ko sa pagharap sa mga di maintindihang sitwasyon sa buhay ko.

MARAMING MARAMING SALAMAT DENG...

WHILE YOU WERE SLEEPING


In the stillness of that night,
where silence speaks louder than my mind,
I see a glimpse of what I used to have.
And I see it there in your face, while you were sleeping.

Time ticks, yet I remained still.
glazing upon your shut eyes,
listening to your every breath
and smiling on that moment.

Then my eyes wandered down your hand,
and there's mine locked in your palm.
I feel a feeling of what I used to have.
A mere bliss, and its all there is.

I stayed awhile and let myself speak,
through my mind I uttered my words.
With you asleep and I, awake.
I've said everything while you were sleeping.

I moved closer to feel your warmth,
leaned my head upon your arms.
And slowly I closed my eyes,
and wished that there be more nights to watch you sleeping.

Got nothing to do.

Feeling bored.

Feeling super-duper bored.

Unemployed up to this point.

Loving the tambay life.

Gaining pounds after pounds.

Wow.

Where's dignity in this life?

hahaha!

-TIME TO LET GO-

I hear nothing but silence in the middle of this night. Again and again, I sit in front of this computer trying to figure out what to post in this blog. Yes, its quite a challenge to squeeze out what I really want to say sometimes. Feelings could be so overwhelming that there are just no words to describe it.

Yesterday, I was dragged into another epiphany. Reality could hit you really hard sometimes when you least expect it. And in just a snap, the roads are turned. Simple situations could often lead into a huge decision-making position. And it demands abruptness that you get too pressured. But what really surprises me is that it was easier for me to weigh all the odds and its all evident. Guess all this time, I've had the real answers that I have been looking for, I only refuse to sink it in.

YOU CAN LIE TO YOURSELF, BUT YOU CAN NEVER MAKE YOURSELF BELIEVE THAT LIE. Yes! Finally, I've learned the lesson of the situation that I've been dealing for the past couple of months. All the signs were given, and all I had to do was to translate on it but I chose not to, because I preferred to dwell on the mere lies that subconsciously, I was pushing myself to believe in. And all that's coming to me now are the wasted times that I threw. I held on for this for so long, so long that I did not realize that my life had stopped. I drowned in this deception and now I'm catching breath to fill me in again. Had i known that there's no valid for holding on, I wouldn't have taken the first grip at all. Its pointless after all.

And now I'm letting it all go. Come what may from loosing this grip. I guess its about time that I put some directions in this vague aspect of my life. The inevitable truth always lives. And it will always prevail at the end of everyday.