sacred pasture

-RECOLLECTION 2-


The moon peaks out tonight and I can't help but dwell on the loneliness of the night. An endless puffing of cigarettes. with a pinch of pain from failed goals, distorted thoughts and wishful dreaming, I guess this is indeed one poignant evening.

Lately, I've been drowning in my dreams. Dreams that are elusive and most probably can't come true. They elude my daily thoughts. Its too sweet for an innocent taste yet so hurtful for an overly-exeperienced heart. They entice the momentum of every rushing thought and I sit all the time indulging myself with its great deception. An as time ticks, the further I walk and yet again get lost in the wilderness of my rumbled mind.

I spent the last several minutes trying to get into every deatil on where have i gone wrong, where I must have committed a mistake and where have i been overlooking things. As expected, after tons of gruelling minutes, I still couldn't seem to figure out the right answers that I was looking for. I don't need any precision for now, I just need at least something that I could hold on to, I need a reason why I keep doing the same thing over and over again and more imporatantly why I keep failing at it. I play this game so well, at least thats how i see myself. But the scoreboards never lie and they tell me the brutal honesty that I am such a lowlife-looser. Three to zero. That's what it says. And night after night, even if there's an absolute absence of the moon, I find myself caught in the failures' lane. This game is a harsh game. No rules are set and no boundaries are built. You set your own rules and distinguish you own boundaries... which is pretty hard for someone like me-- a person who loves breaking rules now dying to make one for himself. So ironic. Though the victory for now seems less-vivid than ever, I take time to learn at least the heres and gos of this situatiuon. Imagine a kid trying to fit himself in a well-rounded world of perfection. Thats the impossibility I'm trying to interconnect somehow. Seriously, there's no possible way I could this. Im not brave enough to take the risk, even if I am, I am afraid I have the warrior's stamina to withstand the consequence that I might face.

And there goes the moon. Dancing with the stars in the darkness of that dancefloor. I wish everything is as easy as the changing of night to day and day to night. Though a lot of things has to happen first before a day turns into night at least everything is subtle and non-noticeable.